1. If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness?
2. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
3. Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.
4. How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
5. 5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
6. What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef. If the cow has no legs, then it’s ground beef.
7. Why didn't the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.
8. I was interrogated over the theft of a cheese toastie. Man, they really grilled me.
9. You heard of that new band 1023MB? They're good but they haven't got a gig yet.
10. A farmer counted 387 cows in his field, but when he rounded them up he had 400.
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Let’s get right into it. There are a lot of… unforeseen side effects of a global health crisis.
Like, when you’re the CFO of a medium-sized startup company, but then you have to work from home, and also teach 2nd grade. Or when the catering manager of a large grocery store chain suddenly becomes a first responder, because grocery stores are CRAZY TOWN right now.
There’s a lot going on right now, and much of it is pretty grim. As usual, Seymour Butz is here to provide a bit of levity in an otherwise serious time.
Hooray! Your friend(s) recently purchased a new home! And boooo — that means you have to pick out ANOTHER housewarming present. Do your top three ideas involve plants, candles, artisan bread, and/or a bottle of wine?
HOW ORIGINAL.
So we did you a favor and pulled together 7 hilarious housewarming gift ideas that NO ONE else will think of.
